The Insatiable Need To Please Everyone.

We always want others to have a good opinion of us. Yes, who doesn’t want that? But it is not easy and equally not necessary to please every Tom Dick and Harry.


For an instance, I have an opinion about a person, say A. The opinion, on a scale of Extremely bad to Extremely good, at one point, depending on a situation can be around fair. After a certain period of time, and depending on the situation in which  the subject is present and the mood in which I am, I might award an even better or and even worse grade.



So what does that go on to say, Is A extremely bad? No. Is A extremely good? No. Is A, on the average, Fair? No. You don’t get a concrete result from the Analysis and mind you, this is just  my opinion about A, There are hundreds or perhaps even thousands of those standing in line to grade A.

 One thing is clear; it is not only unrealistic but also unfeasible to try to attempt to please everyone.

Pranav was a very pleasing person. He spoke with so much Confidence and held himself in a dignified manner wherever he went. He stood his ground on certain things, which he was sure of, and he would compromise on certain things, to the  extent tolerable. He knew how and when to say ‘No’, without giving too much of thought.  He was ready to lend a helping hand, to others, But when situation demands, he would give more priority to his needs than those of others. To take action against something/someone, he would not be intimidated about the consequences and would take a firm step to set things straight. This earned him a lot of respect and earned him an equal number of enemies as he had friends. He was happy. He was content.

Gaurav was an extremely pleasing individual. He would literally “make way for others”, every time. He never had his own stand in any argument, he always went with the crowd, which would sometimes work to his advantage and sometimes work against him. He was affable and very approachable and never thought twice to help someone in despair, despite his standing personal obligations. He was a good team worker, but he was never seen as someone who had the potential to lead a team whatsoever. He was concerned about the welfare of his team mates, beyond reason and sometimes that hampered him from taking stringent measures, causing the team not to progress in any way. He had a lot of friends and yes a few of them held him with respect. He was never content. He was always worried about hurting others. What if he hurts someone by mistake? What if he accidentally did something to someone? What if he inadvertently said something which annoyed someone. What would others think of him? What would others gossip about him? This was all what he would think.

Any day, Any time, I’d always prefer to be a Pranav, that to be a Gaurav. When you want to please those around you at every given opportunity, at one point or the other, you tend to lose your individuality. We all try to carve an identity for ourselves. It takes years of hard work and dedication for our identity to evolve. Would anyone sacrifice it willingly, after all those painstaking years, just because someone is upset with us? Yes, there are many Gauravs in this world, than Pranavs and why is that? Because someone, some random person, shouldn’t be hurt or displeased with us. Are we being fair to ourselves?

I’m not trying to say we have to be rigid.I am not saying we have to be egoistic. We have to be flexible, to the extent tolerable. It is the threshold that varies from person to person, which plays the vital role. 

17 thoughts on “The Insatiable Need To Please Everyone.

  1. This is really good food for thought for people who have rigid opinions. Situations change a person's attitude and so should our opinion about him. Thus, we should keep our judgements open to change every moment. However it should be kept in mind that it always doesn't have to change for the worst, it can from being good to becoming amazing too!

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  2. @ Shyam
    Yes. It can change for the better. Always. I was just referring to those who tend to change for the worst, thinking that would satisfy others. Well said.

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  3. Good one ash ! I liked the content of first few paragraphs , in a nutshell it brings out the meaning, no one could be categorized under a particular grade . Also you have given two impeccable instances and expressed your view .
    Its really superb ! The overall content is not too short as i said for your previous blog . good one again . keep blogging !

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  4. @ SRiVatsan
    Thank you so much. Yes, I did take your suggestion and tried not to be laconic. Was surprised when people said they'd like to read lengthier posts.
    Thank you.

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  5. I would definitely be a Pranav, too. 🙂
    Sometimes even I am not open to different opinions…but after reading this I am sure I will try to keep an open mind and stick to my principles as well! Thank you for writing this. 🙂
    Please read my latest blog post, too…mine's a tech blog. Please promote it on Indivine, if you like it: http://bit.ly/pnls4G

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  6. Good one Ashwini. For years I tried to please people around me and all that ever happened was that I ended up getting hurt. So nowadays I am almost at the opposite end of the spectrum – which I am aware is also not too good. But I'd rather be this way. If I get branded selfish or whatever, so be it – it is better than getting hurt all the time.

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  7. @ Anne

    Yes, you have to please yourself first before you try pleasing others. And dont worry, gradually you'll know how to strike a balance between the extremes 🙂

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  8. Trying to please everyone is a sure shot way for failure. We end up as losers in our own life. We will not be able to meet the self requirement.
    I dread such a situation.
    Good thought provoking post Ashwini. 🙂

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  9. nice article! I was having a conversation with my mum the other day, where I coined the phrase 'fluidity of opinion' in order retain individuality and seek a more broader perspective on things!

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