I was reading a book, when I came across a point where the protagonist goes to a church and heads to the confession box. That’s when I kept thinking how easy things are for those who go to churches. Not that we can do anything and then confess about it, but there are certain things, which might seem trivial, which are better off shared with someone rather than keeping it to ourselves. But there is a problem here, whom do we share it with?
You might wonder why this such a big deal. We have friends and family and there will be at least one person with whom we share a good rapport and a comfortable equation. But the problem is, people judge us or we are scared that people will judge us. Not in the wrong way, but we’ve come to a point where people around keep evaluating us. We are aware that the moment we open our eyes and take a step forward, people keep watching us. This includes our close family members and friends too. Sometimes we might not want to, but inadvertently and subconsciously we end up judging others. Not for each and every simple thing, but you never know.
For instance, when I told a friend that I refused to help someone (it wasn’t a life-threatening situation, and I’m stating this clearly because I don’t want you to judge me) because the said person was mean to me, I did notice an expression in the face which did convey more than it intended to. I explained that the person behaved unprofessionally and spoke behind my back. My mom always says it’s ok if I don’t help but I shouldn’t be a nuisance. Well I took her words seriously this time and refused to help and still tried not to be a nuisance.
So coming back to the confession boxes, it would be really nice if we had the chance to talk to someone (probably who doesn’t know us or about us), pour our heart out and get rid of all those heavy thoughts which keep burdening us (Never underestimate the power of a simple thought). If only we had the option of identifying someone, speaking with them and then using a reset button, to erase any traces of information that the other person might have held on to.
This way I can have the satisfaction of having shared something that kept bothering me, and I wouldn’t have to worry about the other person judging me. If you have any such person in your life, please hold on to them and don’t ever let them run away from you. But if you’re like me, and you don’t want to burden anyone (read trust) with your stories, we need to wait for intelligent people to pull of something using technology. Till such time the world comes up with a solution for this, I’ll go back to talking with my pillows.
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“Sharing is caring” 😉 I guess I remember reading you once helping out somebody and then that someone going and asking you to do trivial things like search and get back which could have been done easily? (Please do ignore if it isn't you.. )
And yes, let me know if you find that reset button 🙂 Cheers!
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Pillows used to be my companion few years ago. Then one day I did find someone with whom I can truly be myself. But now I'm afraid that I have to let it go.. Nice write up Ashwini.
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One can always share with a trusted friend the hurting problems so long they are not very seriously personal.Forget about their judging.All of us always judge others unconsciously though we may not express openly.For serious issue,silence is the best course..
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I have one such person in my life. Actually I have three. One is friend and 2 are family. And you are right, hold such people tight.
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Having a journal and writing really helps because unlike talking to pillows one needs to focus and organize one's thoughts …. And a journal has no brain to judge you 🙂
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For some people confession decreases their stress. But for some, it increases.
Destination Infinity
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I think there is a mix up here. I could be wrong. Confession (like in Christianity) is to have the intention of returning to God and to acknowledge our sins with true sorrow. I think what you mean is confiding. Confiding is to tell someone (trusted relative/friend) something that is secret or private. This is only to get things off our chest. We may not acknowledge our “sin” with true sorrow.
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Very valid observation, Ash. If one could confide in someone and share one's deepest darkest secrets without hesitation then it would be just wonderful. I have a few in my family and friends who listen without judging, and I hope that I provide them the same.
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Hmmm very hard to find….but I do have very close friends with who I can vent out anything at any point without being judged. Like Rachna said, I also try to be the same with them. I am not sure if I will vent out with a person I don't know.
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I feel that we ourselves are our best listeners. We can confess everything to ourselves without being afraid of being judged or betrayed. I often find confessing to one self gives the most freeing feeling, and we also get resolutions for our problems, for as we all know, we know everything.
So having a dialogue with oneself is the best way to unburden oneself.
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Pillows are better option than Confession boxes!Keep talking to the pillows!!
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so true THAT ELUSIVE button the reset button .. and hey you wanna talk you can always talk to me , I promise to sit and listen to everything or anything you have to say .. 🙂
Take care and you are right we do need that person who will not judge us and just listen to us and our rants
Bikram's
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I can empathize with you, Ash. Whether you are going through a very lean phase in your life, or whether you're doing extremely well, people will always talk behind your back and they will always judge you. And, yes it would be great if we have someone in our life with whom we can share anything without the fear of being judged. But sadly, humans don't come with a reset button. 🙂
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You absolutely have the right to say no and need not have to explain or try and justify why you did! Yes, it would be wonderful if people were not so judgy all the time!! If only they did more introspection then they would know not to cast the first stone!!
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Pillows are safe, Ash 🙂
they say “deewaron ke kaan hote hain!”
Be careful! Sweet dreams!
may all your problems & worries vanish away 🙂
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Yeah… for now pillows are the safest. 🙂
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Yes yes, I did mention about that in my post on Instant Messaging. (Wow! you remember?)
Cheers 🙂
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Isn't life difficult in certain ways? It gives us what exactly we want, and makes us give it up after a while.
Thanks!
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Well said Sir. About all of us judging people and about silence being the best course.
Some things can be shared, but yes some things close to the heart is best left for the walls/pillows to hear.
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You are lucky. I'm not sure if I can really trust so many people!
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I had this habit of writing a journal, but I was scared when I thought about the consequences of what would happen if someone 'accidentally' read it. So stopped writing ever since. But I miss how consoling it used to me after I write.
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Very well said ! That is why the person whom we chose to confess matters a lot too.
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Yes, I was trying to draw a parallel here with the Confession process, but yes I did talk more about confiding. The reason I spoke about Confession was how you can share thoughts to some random person and not be bothered about the confidentiality.
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How wonderful would it be! And luck you 🙂
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In an ideal world, yes. If we have such wonderful people around us, it's really fine. What if some people aren't that lucky enough? In that case, I felt it would be better to vent feelings with someone who is not associated with the event.
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True Rama. Sometimes when I'm troubled with something, I try to talk to myself or write about it to find out what is bothering me and whether my current course of action is good enough. But doesn't the human heart long for some works of consolation? 🙂
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For people like me who dont trust others easily, this is the best option!
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Thank you so much Bikram. Thank you for the kind words 🙂 I now definitely know that I can trust one person here 🙂
I was just thinking aloud here, not that I needed to confess something to someone and couldnt 🙂
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How we wish there was a reset button.
Surprisingly, we need more people around us when we're doing well because thats when the fake ones stay away from us (out of jealousy ) may be. And more than the sorrow, we do need people to share happiness 🙂
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Very very well said. The more you have to justify, the more you regret having confessed something to the person in question. If only…
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Thank you Anita 🙂 I always resort to the safest option around 🙂
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Indeed 🙂
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The bathroom mirror is equally effective…
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Ash not everyone is judgmental.Perhaps some experiences shook your faith but it will help if you learn to trust people once again.You are smart-you will not trust the wrong persons i think.
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These days the internet takes up that role, sometimes. In fact, confessions boards had become very popular sometime back.
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Maybe its in our nature to be judgemental about any communication that comes our way. Maybe, its human nature, I dont know. But I dont think we need another “person” for confessions / pouring our heart out (better half could be one such person though). Your option of pillows is good, even closing the door and talking in front of the mirror is worth exploring.. 🙂
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That's the best of all the options.
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Not everyone is, but sometimes I feel I cannot be sure how people would react. And thats when I'm doubtful.
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True. More than the availability of a medium, it is the anonymity that it offers made it popular I guess.
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The mirror on my wall knows me too well to judge me 🙂
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Confessions indeed makes living life easy and light. 'Whom to confess' is the main question and the answer to that, as you pointed out rightly, doesn't come easy 😦
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Confiding in someone is so therapeutic but that someone has to be chosen with care! I agree with you, Pillows work best and writing it down on a piece of paper helps too!
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We know what the solution is, but implementing the solution is another task indeed!
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I used to try writing in a paper and then got scared wondering what would happen if someone read it by mistake. Sigh.
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