Murderer! He shouted.
I was caught unawares as I heard the sound of my door getting slammed. I turned around and was shocked to see who was standing in front of me. A mistake that had grown up due to my reckless nature, and a mistake that I had failed to have taken care of at the right time. There was no one else at home, the maids were off and there was no way out of the room. I was cornered. He had timed it properly and waited for the right time to pounce.
Masterstroke.
‘I’ve not come to ask you why you killed my father. I’m here to seek vengeance’, he said, his voice loud and clear in the close room.
I knew it was of no use trying to reason with someone who had made up their mind, rather trying to reason with someone who had lost his father because of me. Still, worried about my immediate future I tried to say something but he dismissed me.
‘Please, listen to me! I accept that I was the reason your dad is no more, but it was not my decision. I was forced to carry out the orders from up above!’
He knew that the blame game would start and people would start pin-pointing others. He was prepared for this. But his investigations and sources told him that he had found the right person and that if he spared the culprit tonight, the next day his own life would be at stake. He tried not to listen to what the culprit (I) had to say and wanted to get his work done and leave at the earliest. But then his instincts told him that making this man speak would help him get some more information on the dastardly act that was committed and the injustice that was done to his father. So, after a split-second decision, he gave the culprit a chance to speak.
‘Go on, tell me who all were involved in this!’
I could recollect the entire course of events, like it happened just yesterday. When one person rises up the ladder faster than the normal, expected rate he is bound to face opposition and earn the wrath of many. Often, people are so busy focussing on taking the next step in the ladder that they forget about the people surrounding them and their intentions. Word gets around, the common enemies of the aspiring leader gather around and take it forward. The same thing happened to this person and people decided to get him out of the way quietly. Aware that he wouldn’t move out quietly if given an option, they decided to get rid of him for good, for reasons unknown, and passed on the dirty work to me.
They made me an offer I couldn’t refuse and I had to take responsibility to ensure the smooth completion of the operation. We planned and made it look like an accident. It did look convincing enough, but again a few people weren’t convinced and they probably told his family about the suspicious circumstances and the primary suspects of what could have actually been a murder. But it looked like someone in authority had silenced those who spoke and for a while they seemed to have gotten away and breathed without a worry.
Six months later, I stood in front of his son who had pointed a gun at me.
I tried to say something but I could sense how angry he was and I was sure whatever I said would enrage him even more. He was shouting in anger and just as I was about to say something, he pulled the trigger.
I woke with a start, and realized he perhaps I’d had a very bad dream. I realized I was sweating despite the air conditioning and that I was breathing quickly. I took a sip of water, took a good look at room I was in, ensured that the room was locked from inside and decided to sleep.
A minute later, the lizard that was watching the man tremble smiled to himself and decided to jump down from the ceiling and finish what he had planned for so long. Finally he would bring justice to the man who had murdered his father.
P.S. This is my first attempt at writing a story. Looking forward to your feedback
P.P.S. Please be nice 😀
I would love to read the details, like what happened in more detail. It kept me hooked, which is a good thing. In most stories, you lose interest. I liked it. You should write more of these.
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The twist in the end was unexpected and good. I expected the dream part, but not what came after that. One suggestion: Instead of narrating, you could try exposition at certain places – show us what someone is thinking (in dialog form), that will make the story more engaging.
Destination Infinity
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I did expect a twist towards the end, but this was completely an unexpected one.
You should definitely write many more !
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When I began, I didn't know what to expect. But the narration had me captive and the end was interesting. Frankly, write more fiction. This was engaging.
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I have to say it is a really good first attempt. You built it up nicely for a surprise twist at the end! You have the ability to keep the audience hooked with your narrative. A little more detail would add more edge but I guess you will get that as you write more. You should write more of these for sure. 🙂
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Thank you Saru :-). I was trying to keep it short. Will keep in mind to provide some more details. Thanks a lot! Glad you liked it 🙂
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Ah yes, valid point. I think this is mostly in a narrative format. Thanks a lot for the tip. Glad you liked it 🙂
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Thank you so much! Even I'm looking forward to writing more 🙂
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Thank you so much Alka :-). I always thought I wouldn't be able to write fiction and I'm just getting over it. Looking forward to writing more as well. Thank you 🙂
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You have no idea how happy this comment makes me feel. I've been a great fan of your fiction and writing style and to get this feedback from You is heartening. Thanks a lot 🙂
Ah yes, I will ensure and take care of the attention to details. Thanks a lot 🙂
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What an unexpected twist!
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Thank you so much Ashwini for the kind words. 🙂 Ahh… feels so good to be back after a long time. 🙂
Yeah yeah… write more of these! You are good. 🙂
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The twist at the end was unexpected. A very good one considering it is your first attempt. I am glad to know you are safe in Chennai.
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Thank you 🙂
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Thanks a lot 🙂
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Wow!!! Neat twist!! 🙂 Would love more of these..
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Very interesting and so engaging. The story kept me hooked all through. Need more of these, Ash. Seriously, great job for a first time!
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GOOOD.. in the end he got what he deserved .. as I was reading i thought it would be a dream but the lizard twist .. GOOD ONE …
Wishing you and family and everyone around you a very happy new year.. May all that you have dreamed comes true.. have a fantabulous New year
Bikram's
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Thank you Rahul 🙂
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Thank you so much Arti 🙂 I hope I live up to the expectations 🙂
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Thanks a lot Bikram 🙂
Happy Happy New Year to you too 🙂
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You have started your fiction journey confidently with a big bang.Keep it up and post regularly short stories in all genres like romance,crime,mystery,horror,55 word fiction and ghosts.
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Good going Ashwini! Am sure you can pull off as a good narrator of fiction:)
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Thank you Sir 🙂 You are my inspiration for attempting fiction 🙂
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Thank you Sir 🙂
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