Of Random Conversations with the Soul #5

It’s been a while since I noticed that despite wanting to write and having a plethora of ideas, I was just not able to bring myself to get started. My weekends have been pretty hectic with a lot of planning, shopping and other wedding related stuff. When I’m not occupied with any of this, I sit in front of the TV and watch something for hours together without wanting to be disturbed. The problem is, even amongst the madness, I get so many ideas to write, but somehow the discipline to sit and get going with a post has been missing for a while.

You wouldn’t believe if I told you that this year, I did not write a post to celebrate my blog anniversary. Despite having lots to say , I couldn’t. I had time, but I couldn’t. I had the words, but I couldn’t. I realised focussing on multiple tasks did take its toll on me. My mind kept wandering, making it difficult for me to give my undivided attention to a single task. I realised I kept getting bored for no reason and in the attempt to use my time well, by avoiding doing something that was of no interest, I had ended up juggling a lot of things and wasting my time.

Mutli-tasking is, was and will never be my forte.

It all started with reading books. That habit stuck with me all through school and college and even when I started working. And then came my blog. I had to divide time between reading and writing. And then running happened, then I started baking, and that slowly piqued my interest in learning new things. After a lot of thinking I signed up for Keyboard classes and for marathons. I was getting interested about a few English series and wanted to watch them. I was also on the lookout for opportunities.

The only problem was, I had a job. My mornings were occupied with the gym, so I had to accommodate all of my interests in the few hours that I got to spare in the evening. I followed a schedule of sorts, but soon they all overlapped. I convinced myself that being happy doing something was more important to me than not breaking my schedule and feeling sad about missing an opportunity, thanks to a rigid set of rules. This did give me some freedom to choose what I wanted to do, now and then.

And then the chaos unfolded.

I learnt it the hard way that one cannot have it all (at least if you have a full time job) in very little time. I lost my sense of discipline and the rigid routine which became flexible for a while, stopped being a routine for me all because I just kept getting bored. I’d get bored of reading a book and would switch over to write something. I would then look up some recipes online., watch something online, try a new fitness routine, and…you get the drift. I had been managing things for some time and one fine day I got bored because I had too many things and I didn’t know where to start. After a long day at work, breaking my head over what I should do did not feature in my priorities.

It’s not that I’m bored with life on the whole. It’s like reading the first 50 pages of a book. I’d take months to finish the first 50 pages but when I’m done with that, the next 300 pages get done in a week at the maximum. In my defence, despite all these I did write, I sent a few articles which did not get published, I read 2 books, finished a month of keyboard classes, baked bread and cakes and I’m catching up with all my friends. I only wish I had the time and energy to do more of what I’m currently doing.

They say, an idle mind is a devil’s workshop. It’s also the same case when you have too many things to do because you don’t know where to start. And the most interesting and inevitable thing that people do in these circumstances – give up on everything and continue scrolling through that timeline, or watching TV binging on Lays Chip or taking up a completely new hobby.

The post looks like it’s not going to end, time to brush up my shuttle skills now I guess!

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