I had been struggling with something for the past several years. It consumed more than its fair share of time, efforts and thoughts than I had intended to offer. Like any other human being weighed down by something, I tried my best to find a solution. I spoke to others, I read about it and tried. I failed. I tried indirect ways to bring a solution. I failed. I attacked the problem directly. I failed, miserably. I knew I would have to give it up one day but something was holding me down. The mind understood the efforts weren’t worth it but the heart would beg me to give another try. I tried and tried until one day I could tolerate it no longer. I just gave it up. I thought of all the futile attempts and how it was more of my negligence to accept the situation and move on than anything else. For a long time, I was hoping that the day would arrive and one fine day, it just did.
The ‘over-thinking’ monster
One thing I love about life is how we are always learning something irrespective of being successful or failing at what we do. While I do believe that the best lessons are learnt only from failures as it gives us time to go back and see what went wrong and how things could have been done better, we end up learning a thing or two from our victories too. All of this forms what we can call the ‘experience’ of our lives. If there was one important takeaway for me it’s the realization that we always end up over-thinking, over-analyzing and over-reacting to situations. While trying to stay away from taking impulsive decisions, we often find ourselves at the other end of the spectrum – paying undue importance. As much as not rushing into decisions is of paramount importance, it is equally important to not exaggerate. We just have to bring ourselves to not think too much about anything.
How different life could’ve been
When I look back, I look at all those days I could have just laughed looking at reruns of Friends or America’s Funniest Videos instead of worrying about what the future beholds. I look at all those days where I could have enjoyed a quiet walk to my favorite ice cream parlor without stuffing my mouth with something and imagining how horrible things could go from there. I look at all those days I could have lived my life without any obligations than trying hard to find ways to de-stress. I look back at all those times and wonder how worrying too much has perhaps cost me a lot more than what I’d imagined. It cost me my time, something I can never compensate for.
I knew all this, but one day it all appeared in front of me. Before it could get any worse I felt I had to take control. It wasn’t really a spur of the moment decision, considering I took my time to come to that point. I made up my mind. I was going to set things right and I understood it was time to move on.
And that’s about it. Things got better for me because I gave it the attention it deserved and nothing more. I found ways to emotionally detach myself from the problem. I was surprised at the absence of those guilty pangs. It dawned on me that perhaps it was the right way forward. My mind felt loads better and I felt relieved from a burden. The wonders a single thought can do!
I think it’s too early to analyze if the original problem has become better or worse. But I know for sure that the results will not have an impact on me. Because irrespective of the results, my reaction to the solution would be the same.
They say changes don’t happen overnight. But when your mind is ready, even a second can make all the difference.
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